In The Guardian yesterday, there was a letter from a woman who is having a challenging time with her husband – in bed. She wrote that everything else about their relationship is amazing, but when it comes to sex, he just clamps up and does not seem able to give her the things she asks for.
“I’m not asking a lot, but it seems that the second he’s in the act, everything we have discussed is forgotten. I usually get frustrated, so I take the reins to end the interaction as quickly as I can,” she wrote.
The advice from Psychotherapist Pamela Stephenson Connolly was for the woman to remain engaged with her husband.
“Do not withdraw. Reconnect with him. This situation will not improve without some renewed effort to engage him in pleasing you… Books and movies provide generalized erotic ideas but cannot easily be put into practice, so most partners will require very specific instructions. Every woman is unique in her sexual desires, and you deserve to have your needs met. But it is going to take explicit, detailed instructions in incremental stages, so be patient, make it fun and erotic, and reward him when he gets it right.”
Explicit, detailed instructions. We like that. How to bring that up though? “Er, darling, you see, the thing is…”
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